


The Professor, the Captain & the Awkward Boners

by pervmachine (AbominableToast)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Awkward Boners, Awkward Sexual Situations, Blow Jobs, British Character, Come Swallowing, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Flustered Will, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Spider Boners?, Unassuming Andie, woc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbominableToast/pseuds/pervmachine
Summary: A disjointed collection of snippets about an adventurous female professor and an uptight British Navy captain stranded on an uncharted island--sexual shenanigans guaranteed!





	1. the meeting scene where the heroine is dressed slightly provocatively (if not unconsciously) and the gentlemanly main guy has quite the shock

**Author's Note:**

> My face is on fire and it hasn't even started yet.

"Hey...you alright?"

He looked up to see the silhouette of a woman (and it obviously had to be a woman—no man had curves like that), the darkness of the cave only remedied slightly by the dim light of a lantern. He slowly got to his feet, leaning heavily on the cave walls, and turned towards the mysterious woman. 

"I...am fine." He replied in an even voice, dusting himself off as he did. "And you are?"

He could practically feel her shrug. "Just someone looking for something." 

Slightly annoyed at her blatantly American-flavored nonchalance, he squared his shoulders. "I'd appreciate if you were a little less vague, madam."

His annoyance only grew as she chortled. "Right-o."

And then she drew the lantern up towards her face. 

He was floored.

A glowing tan face adorned with an amused little smile stared at him, while long unruly locks of dark hair framed it. She was curvier in the light, and he didn't want to ogle but her breasts were absolutely fantastic as they practically burst out of the thin top she wore, and her hips were wide and curved just enough that he wondered what they felt like pressed to his. Make no mistake, he was a gentleman—born, bred and beaten into him with many a cane—but he was a man first and foremost and gentlemen seemed to be the most, shall we say, attentive of such carnal desires, stifled as it was.

He was no different.

He shifted uncomfortably as his little captain downstairs began to stand at attention.

The enchanting woman tilted her head, causing a waterfall of shiny dark hair to fall in waves and messy curls over her shoulder. He tried very hard not to quiver in absolute want.

Her smile hadn't faded, and had only grown. "A little less vague enough for you, sir?" She purred (though she quite possibly hadn't purred; his muddled mind was probably hearing it as such).

He gulped and nodded. "Y-Yes."

Her dark eyes glimmered in mirth and she straightened, before jutting out her hand. "Well, you seem like someone who wouldn't go about attacking me." She flashed him a saucy grin that had him internally fumbling about. "Professor Miranda Santos. But please just call me Andie."

He was surprised and intrigued at her introduction. "Pardon me, but Professor?"

The left side of her mouth curved in a half smile that had him falling harder and she shrugged, her beautifully tan and strong-looking shoulders rising briefly. "Yes, that's what my students and the university board call me. I think it's fun to introduce myself with." And there was that amused glimmer again. 

He was absolutely captivated and even more hot and bothered.

A beautiful woman and a professor at that! What a remarkable lady!

"What do you teach?" He found himself asking in awe.

She smiled. "Literature, mostly. But I dabble in botany when the old men aren’t looking." She said with a wink, her voice sweet and husky and warm. His blood simmered. "Science and literature?" He remarked in wonder. "You must be a brilliant scholar."

She chuckled, and waved her hand. "It's hardly brilliant when you do what you love. But anyway..." She took his hand in a strong grip, nearly making him jump out of his own skin. She was warm and soft and strong.

His little captain was almost at full mast now as he stared at her in rapturous surprise. 

"I didn't get your name." She said and he managed a little if not shaky smile. 

"Captain Wilhelm Darlington at your service, Professor." He said in what he hoped was a strong steady voice.

She shook his hand jovially and pulled away, leaving him to tingle and warm. "Pleasure to meet you, Captain Darlington." She smiled warmly. "Well, look at us, a Professor and a Captain wandering about in a cave—what a pair!"

He smiled in amusement at her positivity and chuckled. “Indeed. Er, if I may ask—what _are_ you doing in this cave? And without an escort?”

She put her hands on her hips and frowned, the lantern swinging slightly, light bouncing against the walls to play with the shadows on her beautifully golden skin. And there was so much of it. The captain swallowed thickly and shifted, trying instead to focus on anything else.

“If you must know, I am searching for rare lichen. I’ve been told it grows in abundance in the caves on the islands in this area.” She eyed him with some reproach, and swallowing became harder as those dark eyes settled on him. “And I am without escort, but by choice. I assure you I’m perfectly capable of handling myself.”

He couldn’t do anything but nod, absolutely floored; she seemed to bounce back at that and smiled. “And you, Cap’n? Why would a man like you be wandering about in this kind of place?”

He shook himself out of his stupor if for only a moment and cleared his throat, answering in what he hoped was a commanding voice. “Yes, well, I’m afraid to say that I may be somewhat…disorientated.”

Her smile grew into a grin, one that fully suited her. “Oh? A captain? Lost?”

He sputtered and flushed in embarrassment at her teasing tone and leveled her with a half-hearted glare. “I’m a perfectly competent navigator on the sea, Professor! Navigating caves, however, are something a bit out of my field of expertise.”

The beautiful professor looked on in amusement before shaking her head and chuckling. “I didn’t mean to question your competence, Captain. I understand. If you like, you can tag along on my lichen search and afterwards, I’ll lead you out.” Her eyes crinkled as her lips curled up into a warm smile. “It would be nice having a bit of company in such a dreary place.”

His heart jumped into his mouth and he nodded. “I would be delighted, Professor.”

She rolled her eyes. “Andie’s fine.”

“Miss Andie, then.”

“Oh, please, do stop being so polite. Well, come along. Those lichen won’t find themselves!”

She started forward with a cheery bounce and he followed, his eyes definitely not watching her hips sway.

He was a gentlemen.

~~Mostly.~~


	2. the scene where a poisonous spider crawls up an unknowing captain's pants and the prof gets uber handsy trying to get it out—one-sided smexy times ensues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cap'n Will creams his pants. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it has begun.

"Will, don't move."

He froze in alarm. "What? What is it?" He asked, trying to peer behind him without moving.

All he heard was "hold still" before he nearly jumped out of his skin as her strong, lithe, warm hands slid to cup his arse. He let out a choked, strangled sort of sound and tensed up considerably. He wanted to ask her what in God's good name she was doing but he feared that if he uttered a single word, she would know just how much she affected him so he bit his tongue and tried to think very unappealing thoughts.

Her hands patted about and he was beginning to calm down when one of her sweet, sinful, unassuming little hands slid lower and brushed his balls.

He yelped, a shockingly powerful lightning rod of pleasure bursting through him. 

She started and grabbed his hip to keep him from moving. "Will! Stop thrashing! It might bite you!"

He was caught between moaning in ecstasy and panicking. "What might bite me?!" He choked out.

"I saw a nightshade spider crawl into your pants. They're known to have very deadly venom. They generally go for the warmest places of the body. Now, hush and don't move no matter what, do you understand?"

He both paled and blushed. "Right...the warmest place." He gulped. Well, it certainly was the warmest place now.

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to calm down and not think about her wonderful little hands roaming his lower regions.

"I think I've almost got it!"

He opened his eyes at her determined exclamation and looked down right then.

And he was met with quite a sight.

His little professor was kneeling before him, her face practically buried in his crotch and her nimble fingers beginning to undo his trousers. He would've jumped away if she hadn't gripped his hip tightly. "Don't move!"

It took all his willpower to do as she bid and he could only stare in slack-jawed mortification as she quickly did away with the buttons and pulled down his pants.

He was left standing there with his pants around his knees and his underwear bared for all the world to see. 

He wasn't worried too much about that; what he was very worried about was the rather obvious tent in the garment and the fact that her face was practically pressed against it didn't help matters much.

That said, she seemed to not have noticed at all, more focused on saving his life.

"I see it!" She cried.

And she grabbed his cloth-covered cock in an iron grip before darting her hand away and scrambling to her feet with the dreaded nightshade spider in hand to dispose of it.

The good Captain went sailing to his hands and knees then, spots dancing in his vision as he came rather violently. His orgasm seemed to last forever as he gasped and whimpered until every last drop had emptied from his balls, leaving him to spasm and twitch, his eyes closed and his chest heaving.

He would have passed out quite contentedly on the jungle floor if he hadn't heard the familiar sound of light practiced footsteps in the underbrush of his infuriating companion returning. Quickly, he stumbled to his feet and hurriedly pulled up his trousers, grimacing at the disgustingly warm stickiness that now positively saturated his undergarments.

Just as the last button was done, his seductress of a professor walked out of the jungle and into the clearing with a rather accomplished look on her face.

He was torn between throttling her or pushing her down and making her clean the mess she caused in his pants.

But then she smiled and he immediately forgave her. 

Curses.

She walked up to him and took note of his flushed face, her smile fading into a worried frown. "Are you alright, Will? It didn't bite you, did it?" She fussed, her hands cupping his face.

He grew flustered and turned away from her touches, not being able to bear anymore. "I'm...fine. It didn't bite me." Fidgeting, he ran a hand through his hair. "Did...Did you get rid of it?"

She beamed and his heart beat faster, his ardent affection for the woman nearly bursting in his chest. "I did! You don't have to worry about that."

He couldn't help but smile back, wanting so desperately to kiss her. "Thank you."

"Of course! As if I'd let you get bitten and die a bitter death on this island." He paled slightly at her cheerfully morbid words and nodded. "Well, we should get back to it then. We have much to do and I don't believe we'll be making it back to camp until nightfall." 

The oblivious woman flashed him a warm smile and trekked ahead, leaving him awkwardly trailing after her, the sticky wetness of his shame beginning to cool against his stomach. He groaned.

Damn it all.


End file.
